It feels like an eternity since I posted last.

I have returned to work. It sucks, but it pays the bills, right? I miss my sweet little guy EVERY SINGLE HOUR of the day. But, I hate to admit, that sometimes, I take five minutes and sip my coffee in my office chair and its like my vacation.

We make up for the lack of bonding time by spending every second together from 4:30 pm to 8:00am the next day together. I truly think Hunter will be in our room (not our bed, though, I hope, he's doing well in his pack and play) until at least 6 months. Possibly longer. I'm not in a huge hurry.

With being a working mom, there is guilt. There will always be guilt, I'm sure. But, its worth it just to see him smile at me when I pick him up. And let me just say. LOVE MY DAYCARE. They are awesome.

I have so much I want to say. Instead I am going to ask you to read this blog and pray for the family of Layla. It makes me want to take back every single moment that I prayed for Hunter to sleep so I could clean/eat/get on the internet. So in honor of Layla, mommies, please snuggle your kids close tonight and remember how lucky you are to have them.

8 days.

8 days until I go back to work.

8 days.

I have been dreading January 11th since before I even went on maternity leave. Gah. I don't want to go back. I do not want to leave my sweet baby boy at that (super nice) daycare center with those (super sweet) ladies. I want to be the one that holds him all day.

I am going to try to enjoy the next week. Joe is off, so we can hang out as a family for one full week before I head back to work.

Please God, if you see it fit, could you please somehow in the next 8 days find a job that pays well but allows me more time with my son? Le sigh.

I SAID LE SIGH GOD.

Dear 2009 -

Goodbye friend. You were a year filled with anxiety for me. You had your ups, and you certainly had your downs, but in the end, I want to thank you for a wonderful year.

I can only hope 2010 blesses us the way that 2009 did.

A confession

I miss being pregnant. I miss the cute belly (even if it was covered in nasty stretch marks). I will admit to missing being fawned over, although its pretty awesome to have my little guy get all the attention - I'll settle for that.

But most of all I miss what everyone said I would miss - baby kicks and turns and jabs and punches. I miss nudging Hunter in the butt and seeing his foot poke me somewhere else. I miss hiccups on my hip bone and standing in the shower watching him go nuts when I turn the spray on. Or drinking a Sprite and feeling him go crazy 20 minutes later.

Don't get me wrong. NOTHING compares to having him in my arms. But somedays I miss when it was just the two of us and I didn't have to share him with everyone else.

Totally makes me think I want to do this again and soon. Mission - find a new house, get financially secure in said new house, then get knocked up again and hopefully next time I can stay home with both of my babies. Should I be so lucky to be able to conceive so fast and successfully in the future of course.

***

In other things, I hope all you readers (how few or many there are) had a fantastic Christmas with your families and friends. What a difference a year makes - last year at this time I was just beginning to mourn the loss of a pregnancy and future I wanted. I was mad and thought it could never get better. Joe and I were blessed to make and bake Hunter so soon after that loss. Now I have exactly what I wanted the most. I can only hope for those of you that are suffering this holiday season with unfulfilled dreams, that your 2010 Christmas will be a complete turn around.

Hunter got lots of presents, clothes and toys, as did Mama! And wonderful time spent with DH's family. Tomorrow my parents come up to celebrate.

Monday marks the countdown of 2 weeks until I return to work. This is an entirely separate post filled with anxiety that I will soon sit down and write. But for now I just want to pretend that life can always be this good.

I will say that the US sucks, and I wish we lived in Canada. Then I'd have 3 more months of good times with my baby. Damn you United States maternity leave. *Shakes angry fist and hopes Obama hears in the next 2 weeks and pushes a bill through Congress in record time so that I can continue being a temporary SAHM*

8 weeks

Age - 8 weeks
Weight - Not sure - won't find out until the 21st at his 2 month.
Height - 21.5 inches was his last height - see above for when he will be measured again.
Sleeping habit - Pretty good! He sleeps until 2:30-4 (so from 9:00 to then) then again until about 7. I can't complain. I've been bad with insomnia lately.
Eating habits - 4 oz every 2.5 - 3 hours during the day, about every 4 hours at night. If he goes 3 hours or longer now, I give him 5 oz and he usually wants the whole thing.
Favorite activity - Looking at himself in the mirror, and smiling. - Same as last week!
Cutest Moment of the Week - The giggle fest he had to a Toby Keith song the other day. So cute!
Firsts -First trip to a restaurant and to IA City!

I got my Beco baby carrier the other day and I LOVE it. I love baby wearing - its such an awesome way to feel close to my little guy and get stuff done!

Oops!

Seven weeks is a few days behind!

7 weeks

Age - 7 weeks
Weight - Not sure - won't find out until the 21st at his 2 month.
Height - 21.5 inches was his last height - see above for when he will be measured again.
Sleeping habit - Ugh. He sleeps until like 1 or 2 (from 9 - 1 or 2) then again until 4 or so. Lately he has been nutso fussy from about 4 o'clock on and has ended up in bed with us until 6:30. I hate doing this even if it seems like thats what he needs. I just don't feel safe.
Eating habits - 4 oz every 2.5 - 3 hours during the day, about every 4 hours at night. If he goes 3 hours or longer now, I give him 5 oz and he usually wants the whole thing.
Favorite activity - Looking at himself in the mirror, and smiling.
Cutest Moment of the Week - We made up a song called "All the Single Babies" and he just loves smiling and laughing to it!
Firsts -First trip to Hy-Vee (grocery store)? That's about it.

I have gone to the dark side.

Not really.

But I just realized that I am TOTALLY into attachment parenting.

Not all the theories. I hate bed - sharing (I'm scared when we bed share, I love the snuggle time though), and I love my stroller. And I formula feed.

But I am totally into baby-wearing, not letting Hunter CIO, rocking him to sleep, anti sleep training, room sharing for extended periods of time. It just feels right. Especially with the fact that eventually I will be back at work. To me, this means that when I'm home with Hunter, I want to be able to just be around him - if that means cooking dinner while he's in a baby carrier/mei tai that I may or may not have ordered (Ooops! Merry Christmas to me!) so we can dance around and chit chat while I'm being productive then so be it!

I never ever EVER thought I would write this post.

But damn, this weekend I made my own Moby and I LOVE IT. I think even more so than Hunter!